I took some time today to reflect on this past week, with the goal of identifying periods of unrest and planning changes for the new week. The biggest conflict happened when I picked Cricket up from preschool on Thursday at 1 pm. She ran away from me when we got to the car door, taking off down the sidewalk and wouldn’t come back after I called her twice. When she got too far away, I ran after her and grabbed her.
When I picked her up, she flailed and cried. I ended up plopping her into the car and banging my head on the doorframe. I yelled and threatened to take her to a police station so that an officer could tell her how dangerous it is to run away on a city street. She cried in absolute terror at the thought of going to a police station.
Not a peaceful moment.
I think I do a lot of things right. I am aware of when she’s tired or hungry and if that might be the cause of her misbehavior. I use the language that they teach in How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. We talk a lot. But, I am at a loss at how to handle this situation when she thinks it’s funny and I think it’s dangerous.
So this morning I entered my quiet time with a specific intention: for advice on handling this type of situation. I started by reading my Psalms (I’m on #19) and was struck by the last verse:
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight.
The first thing I thought of was that I really need to watch what comes out of my mouth (as is stated in Psalms and elsewhere in the Bible repeatedly). I shouldn’t have threatened to bring her to the police station, because she might end up being terrified of police officers! The insight that I got from this was that although nothing might help during the incident, talking about it afterwards in calm space and time might help to reduce future incidents.
So when I was making Cricket’s dinner, I brought up the topic and asked her if she remembered what happened. I told her that it frightened me because I don’t want her to get hurt. I asked her if she could think of what she or I could do so that this wouldn’t happen again. She didn’t answer me, which I find intriguing. I dropped the subject, planning to let it go for the moment and give her time to think about it.
BUT, the most interesting thing that happened was that because I was meditating on a peaceful solution to this problem, it was on my mind all day. The root of the problem became clearer and clearer as the day wore on. It’s not the type of misbehavior, it’s the time of day. My husband had taken Cricket to the library where she proceeded to throw a tantrum when it was time to leave. It was 1:00. Then I remembered the world-class tantrum she threw in Marshalls. It was 1:00. Duh. I had never pieced this together since we are always home at this time of day. She’s only recently started staying at school for lunch until 1 pm.
So given all of this data, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to go back to her old schedule where she gets out of school at 11:15? Am I supposed to take her for a long drive after school (if I can get her into the car!) so that she’ll fall asleep? I have no answers right now, only the hope that because I finally identified the problem a solution will present itself, and I will be more aware that this precise time of day is a challenge for Cricket.
And I only identified the problem because of my quiet time – or my “journey to peace” as one special reader calls it.
I welcome your suggestions!
Is there a way you can make the 1:00 hour playful for her? Such as, if you pick her up exactly at 1, hide something in the car (fruit snacks or a juice box) and tell her you’re going on a treasure hunt; but she can only go if she behaves. When she finds the snack/drink, then on to the next: at home (or wherever) there’s something else to find: a toy, book, stuffed animal… something to keep her close and interested.
If that doesn’t stop her 1pm tantrums, then I’d say pick her up even ten minutes early so you can try to get home before it hits.
I have no idea if these will work, but if you try them, let me know!
I will try this tomorrow. Cricket’s new favorite snack is popcorn so I’m going to pop some tonight and have it in the car at pick up. Love the idea of the treasure hunt. I will report back tomorrow Molly. Thanks!
My 2 cents; don’t start to expect that at 1:00 there will be an issue. Treat each day as a new day. Come 12:58 you may already have your guard up. Even if you don’t realize it….Great her with a calm demeanor – be happy to see her. Have a snack and something to drink in the car. A sing-a-long cd already playing will keep the mood light and playful. If HER attitude goes South, your does not. She will feed off you. You remain calm steady. Take luck
Thanks Mrs. NowitAll: I did a combination of what you and Molly Jo recommended. When I picked Cricket up I didn’t say a word about running away from the car. I just took her hand and we walked to the car. When we got to the car she said, “I didn’t run away from you!” I said, “I knew you wouldn’t! And I have a special surprise for you because I knew you’d be such a good girl.” There was popcorn waiting for her in the car (her new favorite snack.) While I have mixed thoughts about using food as a motivator, or rewarding her for the good behavior that she’s suppose to have, I think it was okay for today. Day by day! Thanks for you advice!